Star Wars Ep. II: Of Attack Clones (??????)
by Quibily
Summary: Yet another bloopers fafic. But (and that's a big but) I am attempting to make these the weirdest you'll ever read, not the funniest, so beware. It's PG just oin case a very very sensitive soul may want to read this. I WARNED YOU, SENSITIVE PERSON!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Look at me now! Here I go! Attempting to do the stupidest bloopers for the best movie ever!  
  
*The Geonosian Arena scene*  
  
(ANAKIN rides the REEK down to the pole thingy that PADMé is on top of.)  
  
ANAKIN: Jump!  
  
PADMé: (while she is pulling at her torn apart outfit. Trying to pull it down to cover her tummy) Hold on! (mutters angrily) C'mon! Stretch!  
  
ANAKIN: WHO CARES ABOUT THAT! Besides... you look hot!  
  
PADMé: (bashfully) Really?...Well.. so do you!  
  
(ANAKIN begins to blush, too, then shakes his head.)  
  
ANAKIN: Maybe we could do this some other time....hon? PADMé jumps. Suddenly everything is in slow motion and she gets into a splits position and lands on the back of the REEK.)  
  
PADMé: ow...(clutches her thighs in pain)  
  
ANAKIN: Ahem!  
  
PADMé: Oh, yeah. (she leans forward and gives him a peck on the cheek.)(whispers to herself) ow...  
  
(They ride around for a while and all that good stuff, then they come up to OBI-WAN KENOBI. He jumps on. Then gives HER a peck on the cheek. A very replica of the one PADMé gave ANAKIN.)  
  
PADMé: (slowly turns her head and stares at him incredulously)  
  
OBI-WAN (innocently) What? I'm very happy to see you! (PADMé still stares.) Well, with the praying mantice thing about to kill me, then there you are and.... Uh... nevermind.  
  
PADMé: mm-hm.(turns to ANAKIN) Now I know why you end up turning against him.  
  
  
  
*The morning balcony scene*  
  
ANAKIN(meditating): Ohhhhmmmm...Ohhhhhmmmmmm.  
  
PADMé walks onto the set, err, I mean, balcony. She sees ANAKIN and cracks up at how stupid he looks.  
  
ANAKIN: Don't go.  
  
PADMé: I wasn't going to-  
  
ANAKIN: (takes in a deep breath) Your presence is soothi- Ew! What is that smell?  
  
PADMé: (irritated) Well, you try to bathe in those vulgar showers! I refuse to use them! I can't believe we actually PAID for this dump!  
  
ANAKIN(disgusted): Ok, welllll, I'm done meditating. Ciao.(walks off set, dang! I meant balcony.)  
  
PADMé: What about your Mother-  
  
ANAKIN storms back on the stage  
  
ANAKIN: Oh! So now you're gonna' insult my Mother, huh!?(ANAKIN shoves PADMé hard. PADMé falls over the rail.)  
  
PADMé: AHHHHHHHH!! ( she's falling..falling...falling....and falling. She crashes down on her rear on the cement floor 1 foot below.)  
  
PADMé: No! your lines! (softly) Ow...  
  
ANAKIN takes out the script and studies it.  
  
ANAKIN: Oh, Well, I have a problem then, 'cause I didn't have a dream about my Mom.  
  
PADMé(or is it NATALIE now?):(dusts herself up as a crew dude pulls her up.) Oh, my aching bum!!  
  
GEORGE LUCAS: Cut!! (mutters)Jeez.  
  
  
  
*The scene where OBI-WAN and JANGO FETT first meet.*(I don't remember the exact lines so bear with me here!)  
  
TAUN WE: JANGO, may I introduce OBI-WAN KENOBI.  
  
( we see a curtain behind her. Suddenly out of no where, we hear a drum roll. Then OBI-WAN leaps out from behind the curtain with an adorable smile slapped on his face.)  
  
OBI-WAN: Thank you, thank you very much!  
  
(JANGO stares, not believeing what just happened.)  
  
JANGO: DUDE!?  
  
OBI-WAN: DU-UDE!  
  
JANGO: (in a low voice) DU-U-UDE!  
  
OBI-WAN: (louder) DU-U-U-UDE!  
  
JANGO: DUDE!  
  
QUINCER(a.k.a the autor):(Over their "dude"s) Ok, this is getting a little too weird, so we'll move onto another scene.  
  
JANGO:DU-UDE!!!  
  
The End......for now, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *COUGH COUGH COUGH* 


	2. Chapter 2

* The Outlanders Club scene.*  
  
OBI-WAN: Why do I get the feeling you'll be the death of me?  
  
ANAKIN: (Heavy Darth Vader breathing.) ......Huh? Oh, I dunno'.  
  
OBI-WAN: Then why don't you listen to me?  
  
ANAKIN:( Playing with sock puppets.)  
  
ANAKIN'S RIGHT-HAND SOCK PUPPET: If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine.  
  
ANAKIN'S LEFT-HAND SOCK PUPPET: Die! Die ! Die! (Strikes his RIGHT-HAND SOCK PUPPET)... Huh? Master, did you say something?  
  
OBI-WAN: I'm going for a drink.  
  
ANAKIN: Oooh, can I come?(OBI-WAN walks away.) Ooook then, I'll just walk around and. Oooh, are they giving away death sticks?  
  
(OBI-WAN spins and strikes down ZAM WESSEL.)  
  
Anakin: Jedi buisness. Go back to your drinks.(clubbers still stare) (Takes out a .....NEUROLYZER FROM MEN IN BLACK??!)  
  
ANAKIN: If everyone would please look at the flashing red light here.( presses button, And it flashes.) Haha. I love this thing!  
  
AGENT J: Hey! What d'you think you're doin'? That's MINE!  
  
ANAKIN: Aw, man! (pouts)  
  
  
  
* The Coruscant Chase scene * ( My friend Hannah helped me with some of this scene. :) )  
  
(The speeder is diving down headfirst, They go down...down..down)  
  
OBI-WAN: Pull up, Anakin.( Lips flap about)  
  
ANAKIN: Wha-hoooooo!!! Look! No hands! I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!! ( A/N: That sounds awfully familiar. )  
  
OBI-WAN: (eyes bulge.) Pull over, Anakin. Pull over!( leans over and pukes in the speeder)  
  
ANAKIN: No! Not on the leather!( Looses control of the wheel.)  
  
ANAKIN: (as he jumps overboard ) Now, If you'll excuse me, Master. OBI-WAN: ANAKI-( crashes into a humongous ship.)  
  
QUINCER: Ouch! That's gotta' hurt. Could we get some EMTs over here!? * uncomfortable laugh* Uhhhhh, he'll be right back.  
  
  
  
A/N: We all know Anakin would never do that, lol. But, I did it for the sake of comedy. So please forgive me. I love both Obi-wan and Anakin. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THE GREAT REVIEWS!  
  
Now, as a reviewer begged :), I'm starting with Obi-wan in the blue prison-like thing. He had a quick recovery from his.err.last adventure. hehe  
  
* Geonosian Blue Prison Thing Scene*  
  
OBI-WAN: (spinning slowly on the blue sparks.) Wheeeeee! When does the 3-D show start?....  
  
Will this be on my tax?.....  
  
*Hums 'Man on the Flying Trapeze'* .........  
  
*Yawns*......  
  
This must have an Energizer battery: It keeps going and going and going and.......  
  
*Still* OBI-WAN: How am I supposed to go to the bathroom?....  
  
Ohhhhh, jeez, I'm feelin' dizzy...  
  
*Still slowly turning and turning...and turning, *  
  
QUINCER: While we wait for *DOOKU* (growls), let's go to another scene, shall we?  
  
  
  
* ANAKIN at the Tusken Raiders' Camp Scene*  
  
ANAKIN parks his swoop bike in front of a big tall pillar-like rock. He climbs the rock (which he could have walked around). ANAKIN lifts his hands in the air, preparing to jump.  
  
ANAKIN: (to himself) ANAKIN SKYWALKER approaches the edge coolly. He lines up his feet, takes a look down. He looks very confident, and quite dashing if I do say so myself. And he-e-e-e JUMPS!  
  
ANAKIN: Whee- huh?! (ANAKIN's cloak is stuck on the rock!) Guess I'll have to wait until it rips. (whistles)  
  
*The Next evening*  
  
ANAKIN: * sighes *A-a-anytime now.  
  
QUINCER: Oh! For cripes' sake! Just take the coat off!  
  
ANAKIN takes it off and drops. He lands without making a sound.(??)  
  
*Back to Obi-wan in the Geonis prison blue thing *  
  
DOOKU *finally* walks in. They talk about all that stuff until.  
  
DOOKU: Until I found out the truth.  
  
OBI-WAN: The truth?  
  
DOOKU: The truth. The senate is under the leadership of a Sith Lord.  
  
OBI-WAN: A Sith Lord?  
  
DOOKU: A Sith Lord. And he likes Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain.  
  
OBI-WAN: Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain?  
  
DOOKU: Pina Colodas and getting caught in the- will you stop that!?  
  
OBI-WAN: Stop that?  
  
DOOKU: Stop that! Repeating every dang thing I say!  
  
OBI-WAN: Every dang thing you say?  
  
DOOKU: That's it! I'm leaving.  
  
OBI-WAN: I will never join you, DOOKU. (DOOKU storms out.) Uhhh, what about my release?.......DOOKU...???  
  
*Back to Anakin at the Tusken Raider's camp*  
  
ANAKIN is crawling on all fours in between two tents. We see him in the far background.  
  
ANAKIN: *shuffle shuffle shuffle*  
  
*twenty minutes later* ANAKIN: *shuffle shuffle shuffle* (He is half way across by now.)  
  
QUINCER: Will you hurry!? The Tuskens will see you!  
  
ANAKIN: No way, Jose, can they see me-e! Watch this.  
  
ANAKIN: (leaps across the background gracefully in ballerina style.) Wahooo! They can't see me! 'Cause I'm a-a Jediiii! *trips over himself and falls flat on his face* Oh, yeah, the whole 'rescuing-my-mom thing'. Right.  
  
He finds the tent she's in and begins banging the wall.  
  
ANAKIN: Come on, stupid wall! *head-butts the wall and knocks himself out*  
  
*Two minutes later*(sheesh, when does this 'some- minutes -later' thing end!??)  
  
ANAKIN wakes up and remembers a certain weapon ('bout time.). He makes a door and goes through.  
  
ANAKIN: Mom...Mom....(unties her and cradles her in his arms)  
  
SHMI: (weakly)Ani?....Ani?....Ani?..Ani, is that you?..Ani..  
  
ANAKIN: (impatiently) YEAH! Mom it's me.  
  
SHMI: (seeming not to hear) Ani..?  
  
ANAKIN: *groans* SHMI says the lines from the movie( boring, I know)  
  
SHMI: (having immense trouble say "I love you") I lo-.. I love y-  
  
Suddenly ANAKIN's watch beeps the 'Power Rangers' theme.  
  
ANAKIN: Uh (extremely confused as it continues to beep annoyingly. Turns around and answers the watch-thing.) Yeah?  
  
VOICE ON THE WATCH: (in a big booming voice) Rangers, I- wait! Who is this?  
  
ANAKIN: *raises his eyebrow suspiciously* Well, who is *this*?  
  
SHMI: *Tugging at his sleeve weakly while she is dying.*  
  
ANAKIN: Just one minute, Mom. *Turns back to the watch communicator *  
  
VOICE ON WATCH: Who is this?  
  
SHMI: Ani..Ani..I lov- *tugging some more* I love y-  
  
ANAKIN: Mom, I- *sighes* I gotta' go. My Mom's nagging me.  
  
VOICE ON WATCH: (Suddenly with a 'teenager accent') Ohhh, I know how that goes. Later, dude.  
  
ANAKIN: (annoyed as SHMI tugs more trying to say "I love you") Ok, you got my attention. What, Mom?  
  
SHMI: I-(dies)  
  
ANAKIN: Mom?..Mom! Ohhhhhhh, I'm gonna' kill those Tuskens! *gets up to have revenge*  
  
SHMI: *flings her head back up* Oh! And another thing, I gave OWEN your Teddy Bear Whats-his-name. (dies...uhh..again)  
  
ANAKIN: ( looks up to the sky and yells)NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! MR. POOFY BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
A/N: I guess these aren't my type of scenes *sighes* If you were disappointed, I don't blame you, these aren't as funny as I had hoped, next time I'll pick better scenes. :) Just, please don't give up on me I'm finding my parody-groove right now. This is my first parody ever. 


	4. Chaper 4 The first chapter with a name b...

A/N: I'M BACK! After a very long break. Sorry about that. Well, I seemed to have been wrong in the last chapter about how it wasn't funny. Most of the reviewers said it was their favorite! And I never expected such a great reaction. Thanks so much! Well, I won't waste anymore time; here's chapter 4, hope you enjoy:  
  
*The Meadow Picnic Scene*  
  
(Anakin emerges from the distance riding on the back of a shaak (hehe))  
  
SHAAK: Get off my back! Ow . . . . You kicked my ribs! . . . Oh, the discrimination-ow! Ahhh. . . .  
  
ANAKIN: Yahooo! Look at me, PADMé!  
  
(PADMé runs toward him, giggling madly)  
  
ANAKIN: Giddy-up! Ha, This thing has more gas than my old pod racer!  
  
SHAAK: Oh, that's it!!! No more Mr. Nice Shaak!! *flings ANAKIN off and he lands on PADMé*  
  
ANAKIN: *groaning* Oh . . . My back. Oww . . . STUPID SHAAK!!  
  
PADMé: *muffled* Oh . . . . My delicate frame . . . (tries to clutch thigh) Ow . . . Uhh, think you could get OFF ME!?  
  
* First kiss scene at the Naboo lake retreat *  
  
PADMé: We used to lie out on the sand to let the sun dry us and try and guess the names of the birds singing . . .  
  
(A bird chirps from a distance)  
  
ANAKIN: Bluebird.  
  
PADMé: Wha-??  
  
ANAKIN: It's a Bluebird.  
  
PADMé: *slightly annoyed* No, I believe that was a Cardinal.  
  
ANAKIN: Bluebird!  
  
PADMé: Cardinal!  
  
ANAKIN: Bluebird, I tell you!!!!  
  
PADMé: CARDINAL!  
  
ANAKIN: BLUEBIRD TIMES TWO!!!  
  
PADMé: CARDINAL TIMES A CAJILLION! (A/N: How diplomatic . . .)  
  
(over the couple's continued arguing) QUINCER: My, my, trouble in paradise? Well, uh, hopefully they can settle their differences . . .  
  
*Marriage Councilor's Office scene* (A/N: Wait! That's not a scene! . . .All well :P)  
  
PADMé; Why are we with a marriage councilor? We aren't even married!  
  
(ANAKIN COUGHS)  
  
MARRIAGE COUNCILOR: Oh, boy . . . . Well, here, watch this. (switches on TV)  
  
TV: What original science fiction series from the 70's has prequels being made today?  
  
TV(another voice): Uhhhh . . . What is Star Wars!  
  
TV: No, I'm sorry, that is *who* is Star Wars.  
  
MARRIAGE COUNCILOR: Oh! Uh, sorry . . . *switches so that TV shows ANAKIN and PADMé's marriage scene*  
  
(Amid the beatiful scenery and the beautiful music, ANAKIN and PADME join the left hands, then the dude-that-is-standing-in-front-of-them leaves. PADMé then reaches out for his right mechanical hand and . . . . it falls off!?)  
  
TV ANAKIN: (while snickering, shows a thoroughly freaked-out PADMé his 'real' mechanical hand)  
  
PADMé: See!? See what I have to put up with?! I want a divorse!- . . . Uhh, before I'm married . . Yeah . . . (leaves room)  
  
ANAKIN: Am I the only one here who finds it creepy that everything we do is being taped . . .? (slowly backs out of the room) You didn't happen to see me yell 'Mr. Poofy Bear', did you? . . .(MARRIAGE CONCILOR nods) . . . Aww, crap. (shuts door behind him)  
  
(JANGO FETT and OBI-WAN come in shortly afterwards)  
  
JANGO: DUDE!  
  
OBI-WAN: DU-UDE!!  
  
MARRIAGE COUNCILOR: Ah, the common 'dude' problem . . . Well, I think you want to see the RIVALRY COUNCILOR in room 55 . . .  
  
OBI-WAN: Oh, thanks-Dude . . . (slips out door) 


End file.
